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Many young people are now experiencing a sex recession, my colleague Kate Julian wrote for the cover of this magazine in December.article: Nora Johnson’s influential “Sex and the College Girl.” Written in 1959, the article captured a snapshot of college romance on the lip of the sexual revolution and the second-wave feminist movement: Young women were pulling back from romantic commitment and domestic life to explore their options; young men were left bewildered and resentful as their relationships shifted in turn.Perfect example: I matched with a kid I had a gym class with on Tinder two semester later, and he was like, “Yeah I thought you were like so cute,” and I was like, well fuck—this would have gone a lot better if I hadn’t been such a coward and actually tried to talk to him during class. article, “Sex and the College Girl,” Nora Johnson predicted that young, educated women pursuing expansive new opportunities would likely end up disappointed.If you saw her make a great goal/point/whatever, mention it to her.

I find that when I shake hands with friends of friends they look at me all surprised, like, “I’m not used to being noticed.” Don’t be that guy—pull together the ounce of courage you managed to hold on after high school and just say hello!

For many of the rest of them, this pursuit would end in “an ulcer, a divorce, a psychiatrist, or deep disappointment”; and for some of them, those who were put off by the apparent futility of trying to balance all the expansive possibilities, “the most confining kind of domestic life.” Without the “moral generalizations” of her grandmother’s era, Johnson’s college girl was left to forge ahead toward those difficult choices with more subjective, and personal, judgment—carrying “her belief in herself,” or what she calls the “modern version” of herself, forward into the unknown.

Johnson wrote “Sex and the College Girl” when she was 26, just five years after graduating from Smith.

Instead, comment on the reading, or ask her if she’s also a ____ major.

Those are perfectly good questions to get to know someone.

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Copping out because you’re nervous she’ll shut you down is a complete waste of time—at least half of the reason we are in college is to talk to people and develop social skills so we can be functioning adults, so relying on Tinder and on your roommate’s girlfriend to set you up are steps one and two to being That Guy Who Can’t Talk To Women.

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